ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Chinese-Australian currently stuck on Christmas Island has asked to be taken back to Wuhan today after seeing what this nation of our deems to be entertainment.

Alistair Rhys-Perry passed through the epicentre of the deadly coronavirus last week on a tour of his family’s factories across the Chinese countryside.

In the hours before he was due to occupy his business class seat back to Betoota, his flight was cancelled and the 68-year-old was placed in quarantine after it was discovered he’d been in direct contact with two infected people.

The Rhys-Perry Family are one of the Diamantina’s most influential and wealthy families, making his compulsory two-week holiday on Christmas Island all the more cruel.

However, last night as he flicked through the offerings of Channel 9, 7, 10 and the public broadcaster, he decided that culture on this continent has digressed to the point where he’d rather take his chances back in Wuhan.

The ageing oligarch spoke briefly to The Advocate via WhatsApp, where he described the feeling in the camp.

“If Married At First Sight and Survivor represent the very best entertainment this country can produce then take me back to Wuhan,” he said.

“I paid good money to be evacuated, I’ll pay good money to be unevacuated,”

“I’ve only been gone two months. When I left, we had the cricket and tennis. Now we have narcissists with glaring mental health problems being exploited by television networks to sell ad space around,”

“At least in China, there’s a sense of decorum around these things. I mean, Jesus wept. It’s not that hard. The ABC is fine but sometimes you need to laugh.”

More to come.


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