Tomato Inside Toastie To Maintain Steady 5.5 Trillion Kelvin And Continue To Threaten The Collapse Of Universe

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local ham, cheese, tomato toastie has entered its third hour of thermal instability this week, with the tomato inside reportedly maintaining a steady temperature of 5.5 trillion Kelvin.

Witnesses say the bread has cooled to a manageable level and the cheese has begun returning to a solid state. The tomato, however, continues to radiate enough energy to concern physicists and cafe patrons alike.

Experts have warned diners not to bite into the centre of the sandwich, citing possible damage to the roof of the mouth, tongue, spacetime, and several assumptions underpinning the modern understanding of physics.

"It's fucken hot, don't put that in your mouth, for fuck's sake," said one witness.

The owner says he has tried blowing on it twice, which has only angered the sandwich.

More to come.