Local Man Really Could Not Give A Flying Fuck About A Phone Screen That Folds

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

A local bloke with a bit going has decided he does not need to engage with the newest wave of parasocial consumerism.

As a mechanic that is being reamed by interest rates, Nic Pappas (40, Betoota's Flight Path District) just simply isn't allowing himself to feign interest in a new iPhone that folds into a landscape shape.

However, the young blokes he works with, who have been robbed of any kind of hobbies or individual interests by the scourge of social media addictions, cannot stop talking the fucking thing.

But Nic has three kids at home between the ages of 4 and 13. And they are absorbing every spare moment he has to himself at home. So outside of that, he's only going to talk about things that actually matter in the grand scheme of things.

Nic is now making an effort to discontinue any conversation related to this mundane moment in history. He's not being rude about it - but he just does not have the bandwidth for talking about a new telecommunication product.

This is confusing for the young nerds in his orbit - because except for the release of GTA6 next month - this is the biggest news of the year.

In fact, this new product - which has been released by the most succesful technological company in the history of humankind, is being treated with the same level of awe and excitement as young people used to treat the theatrical run of Star Wars movies.

Only this grand moment in culture isn't really that interesting. It's just Apple doing something that Android did a couple years ago. And it provides no net benefit to anyone's lives other than providing unmarried young men with another 7.6 square inches of screen to to watch pornography on.

Still, Nic cannot avoid the excitement, with even a customer feeling the need to ask him his thoughts on the iPhone duo.

"Ahhh. Yeah. Dunno" he says.

"I got a fair bit going on man"