"There Was Nothing Wrong With This Shit" Nation Tells Modern Property Developers

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There's nothing wrong with a blonde brick suburban apartment block with a courtyard and some trees, it has been confirmed.

This comes as state governments and local councils appear to struggle identifying 'the missing middle' of housing supply.

In modern Australia, it seems that only two standards of living exist in the suburbs.

Either a multi-million dollar free-standing 'family home' with a mango tree in the backyard. Or a single-million dollar high-rise apartment that looks like it's been made out of lego and has zero parking, public transport, basic services, schools or green spaces within 20 kilometres.

However, as property developers attempt to squeeze as much value out of their wage cages towers, which will likely begin falling apart after the builder's responsibility for structural defects expires in seven years, they appear to be blind to the 'third option'.

As younger Australians concede that the 'quarter acre' Australian Dream is obviously out of reach, conversations have now turned to what constitutes a decent standard of medium-density living.

The nation has once again reminded the bloated, profit-driven, cocaine and AI-fuelled property developer class that we don't need to reinvent the wheel here.

Brisbane-based property expert, Hutchie Icon (55) says the housing crisis could be solved overnight if Australian developers didn’t think they were above the glorious 1970s era blonde brick unit blocks.

“They’ve withstood the test of time” he says.

“Put one on every corner block, in every suburb”

Hutchie says, for every acre of approved land, a Queensland builder can squeeze out seventeen 3 bedders.

“Everyone gets a car port” he adds

“Let’s not try and reinvent the wheel here. Fuck off the pools and gyms. Build the thing next to a bus stop and walking distance from an IGA. Ground floors for wheelchairs and prams, top floors for young people who wanna smoke joints out the window”

“Forty square metres of lawn out the front for the kids to practice being Reece Walsh”

“What are we fucking doing here. Why in the fuck does anyone need a sauna. Let’s focus on the kitchen sink first”