Local brown-trout fisherman, Jeremy Dunning (37) has today arrived in Sydney with his local solicitor to begin court proceedings against Rugby Australia.

Jeremy claims the Wallabies would have put in a “superior performance” if he had been selected for the 2019 Rugby World Cup in Japan and he could have possibly captained “a trophy-winning Wallabies team” in the future.

Jeremy, who is currently playing prop in the 4th-grade side for the local Betoota Muttaburrasaurus’s, says he “coulda brought back Bill” if not for poor decision-making by ARU executives.

The father-of-six is a prominent social member of our town’s struggling club that plays in the Western Queensland Group 139 competition.

The 150-kilogram Betoota Heights resident claims his career trajectory in rugby union was dashed by ‘fucken politics and other bullshit’ during his briefly promising colts season.

It is believed that the plaintiff has been inspired by former Wallabies player turned CTE case study Israel Folau, who yesterday increased his damages again Rugby Australia by $10 million, according to new court documents.

An amended statement of claim from Folau, released on Wednesday, shows the damages figure has been increased to $14 million from a previous estimate of $10 million.

Folau, like Dunning, has never before captained a side in any three of the domestic Australian football codes.

Other similarities between the two cases include the fact that both men were very bad Christians before they got married, and that both of them own an exorbitantly expensive luxury vehicle that they can’t afford on their current salary.

Speaking to The Betoota Advocate today from his desk at Dunning’s Get ‘Er Dun Plumbing – Jeremy claims that Queensland Reds selectors chose Rodney Blake over him in 2004 because he had a cool nickname, and therefore, kept him out of the Super Rugby system.

“I’m sorry that Big Jezza doesn’t sound as good as Rodzilla!” he says.

“Just fucken politics mate”


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