Slowly Balding Man Figures Quarantine Is As Good A Time As Any To Rip Off The Bandaid

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT

On top of the world slowly succumbing to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, local man Thomas Newell is also dealing with his own personal problems. Namely, that he’s been slowly going bald over the past six months.

Once sporting a luscious crop of hair and a pair of ridiculously long eyelashes to match, Tom had initially denied the fact that his hairline was slowly receding, opting to believe that just maybe, his head was getting bigger. Attempting to stave off the problem as long as possible with a series of hats and a six month supply of optimum strength Rogaine, a weary Tom has had to accept that he either has to deal with the psychological torture of seeing his hair fade into an exclamation point, or bite the bullet and shave it all off.

However, Tom’s biggest concern is that unlike Vin Diesel and Jason Statham, he highly suspects he might have a fucked up egg head. But if there’s ever a time to try out his new do, it’s definitely in lockdown.

“Couldn’t have lost it in the back of my  head, could I?” mutters Tom as he picks up a pair of dog clippers, “still got a full on bush in my trousers and a hairy back how’s that for fucking irony.”

More to come.