Shocked And Confused It’s Already November? Just Focus On The Mangoes

SANDY FRASER | Youth | CONTACT

As Christmas decorations continue popping up left right and centre, it’s apparent we have officially arrived at the time of year where the globe becomes united by a single question. 

That is, how the fuck is it already November?

With Halloween out of the way, a high proportion of the population are currently nursing two-day hangovers. 

That accompanying anxiety is only compounded with coming to realise 10 months of your year have simply evaporated into thin air. 

Yet there is one saving grace. And that saving grace is mango season. 

In Australia, mango season technically runs from September through to April. That’s if you want a hard, green, unripe mango. 

Plus, this year weather disruptions have delayed that start date by a decent amount anyway. 

But that’s okay, because any real connoisseur will know November is where it really gets good. 

Local mango enjoyer Rigby Kensoes (32) says the imminent harvest is the only thing getting him through his current existential crisis. 

“Nothing beats a perfectly ripe mango in the sun, in the middle of summer,” he said. 

“A close second is a 6 pack of Milton mangoes in the sun in the afternoon. But besides that, nothing.”

“I’d say peak mango time coinciding with silly season is one of those things that really makes you think, wow, there probably is a higher power out there looking after us all.”

Supermarkets are being advised to stockpile and prepare for the onslaught of customers expecting their first bite of the tropical fruit to fix the nightmare that has been 2026. 

 More to come.