Shitfaced Nepali Pub Chef About To Enjoy First Courtesy Bus Trip Truly Believes This Is The Best Country On Earth

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Some of our town's mod cons were on display this week after a Nepali national working in the kitchen up at Club Betoota Heights stayed around for a few staffies this past Monday night.

Rishikesh Shah, a somewhat recent arrival to our cosmopolitan inland port city, said he was originally just going to head back into town on the D45 electric trolleybus, make dinner and go to bed.

That all changed when some of the British and Irish bar staff, who'd knocked off earlier, bellowed at him from the public bar smoking balcony.

"Rish! Rish, mate! Come 'ave a beer!" shouted one pink-faced Yorkshireman who works garden bar from 10 to 5.

So Rish did.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning, the 34-year-old part-time student, part-time schnitzel flipper said his dinner plans slipped through his fingers after the first sip of ice-cold lager on a hot winter's afternoon here on the fringe of the Simpson Desert.

"So damn good, man," he said.

"I stayed until the public bar shut. We all did. One of the Irish girls (she is actually French) rolled a joint and we went out into the park. It was very loud weed. I was very drunk, but that weed brought me back to life."

"It was very fun, but one thing made me love it."

Rish said that as the Aussie behind the public bar called last drinks (the Aussie poured himself a jug, wrote it off as wastage/clearing air bubble in line), they all got to work cleaning the bar before they locked up.

The cool midnight breeze greeted them on the street. It was dead still.

Until the sound of a completely and utterly fucked Toyota HiAce van broke the silence.

"I couldn't believe it," Rish continued.

"There was about 10 of us, drunk as hell on the footpath. And the manager comes around in this little bus that the pub owns and we all got on."

The manager turned around.

"Righto, where are we going, you worthless Pommie fucks?"

Rish said nothing. The big Yorkshireman looked around the bus and said, "Take us to Gilhooleys, you fat Aussie wanker," which Rish was shocked to hear was met with laughter and a very offensive homophobic slur, which only increased the level of laughter in the bus.

At Gilhooleys, Rish walked into a shout he wasn't obligated to complete, had 3/4 of that Guinness, left without saying goodbye and woke up fully clothed in bed, still with his kitchen clogs on.

Despite this confronting scene for anyone, Rish has no regrets.

"I have never seen the courtesy bus before. It is incredible," he said.

"I truly love this country, it is the greatest place on Earth."

More to come.