Self-Driving Tesla Displays Shocking Human-Like Skill By Missing Exit On M8 And Ending Up In Liverpool

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Tesla down in the great open-air sewer that is Sydney is being studied this week by its Yankee imperialist overlords after it displayed a shocking and uncanny response to an issue that's long stumped humanity.

Earlier this month, an older Tesla 3 was updated to use the new self-driving ability that these cars seem to have these days. While it took a bit of machine learning to knock the rust off it, the vehicle is now said to be on par with at least a Victorian driver. As the rest of the nation knows, a Victorian motorist can't even drive a suppository up their own back passage, let alone a motor car.

That vehicle yesterday was placed into self-drive mode and told to take the driver to the airport to pick someone up, and until the last moments, it was going along OK. Then a critical merge came up that, like most people, the car missed.

Instead of heading up to the surface and onto the airport via the fancy new overpass thing, the car kept on going to Liverpool. The car's own response shocked the driver.

In a shrill, American, robotic voice, the car let fly:

"Ah for fuck's sake!" it said.

"You fucken cunnavafuckenthing! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Ah for fuck's sake! God where the fuck am I going now?! Kingsgrove? Where the fuck is that? Fucken Liverpool for fuck's sake you stupid fucken car, fuck's sake."

The driver told reporters he was shocked by the car's outburst, especially as he had young children in the car.

Tesla has said having young children in the car only adds to the bizarre human-like reaction by the car, saying that it's a uniquely Australian phenomenon and a core childhood memory for many people to have a male parent and/or caregiver explode at their own ineptitude while driving.

"The fact that the car registered that there was a female passenger and young children in the car, and it still decided to repeatedly use the c-word and other extremely offensive, racist and homophobic language that you have chosen not to publish, only adds to the incredible leap forward in artificial intelligence," said a Tesla spokesperson.

"Because that's what happens otherwise, and the car knows it."

More to come.