ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A curious nation is wondering this week just what in the fuck these companies even do after their latest in a string of embarrassing fuck ups.
In recent years, KPMG, PWC, Deloitte and EY have seemingly existed on the merry-go-round of omnishambles. Each of them taking turns to humiliate themselves in a fashion that seems out of place in the private sector, where the bottom line and reputation actually matters. Unlike the public service that rewards waste and worthless indoor cats that don't rock boats.
Just this week, some EY graduate with white, petrified dog shit in his head where his brain should be got pinged looking at the Prime Minister's personal banking transactions. He will never work in finance again. He needs to get his white card and get merry with a career of breaking shit up and throwing it in a skip bin.
Partners at KPMG leaked client information and mishandled a whistleblower who raised the alarm. Now they can't bid for anymore government contracts for a while. Why not never?
Deloitte charged taxpayers $440,000 for a report they made on ChatGPT. They got caught after it hallucinated an episode mid-report that painted a graphic literary picture of former Prime Minister Earl Page engaging in autofellatio to the point of climax. Deloitte later apologised for the error.
PwC misused confidential federal Treasury information and told their clients about it so they had prior warning of incoming monetary and tax changes, giving them an unfair advantage. Not super bad but pretty crook. People get executed for less in parts of Asia and Africa.
All of which contribute to ongoing curiosity from the average Betootanese taxpayer as to why in green fuck we keep paying these people to fuck things up repeatedly.
The answer is, most would rather these Tarocash cowboys than a public servant.
More to come.
