PM Unfazed By Chinese Spies Infiltrating Local Billionaire Community Because They're All Racist

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has told reporters in Canberra this week that he is not concerned about Chinese spies infiltrating our billionaire community because intelligence suggests that every Australian billionaire is extremely racist and too ugly to be hit on by some random lady.

The light-hearted segue from a more serious line of questioning, mostly regarding his utter betrayal of Sydney's cashed-up gay guy community after promising them cute apartments in Victoria Barracks and a disused parade ground to use as a dog toilet before backflipping on it, was a welcome distraction for the Prime Minister.

"I mean, it goes without saying, doesn't it?" said the PM.

"Can you imagine one of our billionaires getting tangled up with a busty Chinese spy? I can't. Our intelligence on them suggests that all have a pretty dim view of people from other races. That's all of them. We only have about 50, and we know for a fact that they are all ugly as hell, too."

"They're all ugly, racist people. Even the young ones. They would never, ever let a Chinese spy have a shot at the title. I have no concerns."

The discussion comes after Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang admitted to being up to the gills in Chinese spies, despite being married and quite important to national security in the US.

"Do you think the Chinese government cares about Harvey Norman, Atlassian or Canva? Nobody cares about those businesses except investors. Firmus? Yeah, I don't think so. Hancock Prospecting? Yeah, maybe. Fortescue? I guess. If we ever see Gina with a handsome Chinese dude, we'll, uh, be sure to put our best spooks on it, that's for sure."

More to come.