ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese is set to join the long list of prominent Australians to complete a national acting service on popular soap opera Home & Away.
It's understood by The Advocate that Albanese will be playing the part of Stuey Stewart, the brother of fabled long-term character Alf Stewart, played by Ray Meagher. Stuey, a Paddington shop assistant, goes to live with Alf after suffering some sort of existential crisis and a very public meltdown related to his beloved Grand National Hotel being replaced by an upmarket seafood restaurant.
The other details are embargoed until next week, but the PM was kind enough to shed some light on his career sidestep in a short telephone call with this masthead this morning.
"You know, they used to say, 'How can you tell someone's been to NIDA?'" he said.
"It's easy, you just have to wait five minutes and they'll tell you. Well, I can say that I've never had any training as an actor. And to start off with such a challenging role. I mean, let's face it, Errol. If you live in Paddington, you're a cunt. These days, anyway. Back in my day, it was rough as guts. Chock full of smack it was."
"So, as an Inner Westie, it was difficult for me to get into character. You know, as a bloke who's, you know, a bit soft around the edges. Bowls left-arm unorthodox spin from the Paddington End. You know, uh, a bloke who subscribes to a certain lifestyle, but in the traditional sense. A bloke who's had a bloke. Which is great. But for me, not really up to speed on this way of life. So getting into character was a tough but rewarding experience."
What the Prime Minister was not able to comment on was the elephant in the room during the whole conversation. Why had Anthony Albanese agreed to play the confirmed bachelor brother of one of Australia's most beloved soap characters?
The Advocate spoke to other senior government figures who outlined, but failed to confirm, a new strategy that may or may not be linked to the fight against social media algorithms.
"Albo is just the first face you'll see on your screens, outside the news," they said.
"Tony Burke is being announced as the new host of Spicks & Specks. Annika Wells is replacing Linton Besser on Media Watch. Sarah Ferguson is being made redundant over summer when nobody gives a shit about the news. She's being replaced by Murray Watt. Kyle Sandilands is about to ink a new deal with Triple M and be joined by Julia Gillard, of all people. It will be syndicated nationally from this coming Easter. Julia will have a cattle jigger which she'll be allowed to use on Kyle whenever she wants. Which will be frequently, judging by what comes out of his mouth. Jim Chalmers is set to host a revamped Sale of the Century, where prizes are just government bonds and grey-market cigarettes."
"This is just the start."
More to come.
