Nation’s Tall Poppy Urges Satisfied As Sydney’s Eastern Suburb To Be Transformed With Minnslop Apartments

INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact

Everyone who lives in the southern hemisphere's largest open-air sewer is rejoicing this week after the Government down there released a proposal that could see the sewer's eastern suburbs transformed into a brick-veneer ghetto.

The area has long been immune to the winds of progress, with a litany of successful NIMBY wars keeping overdevelopment at bay. Until now.

NSW Premier Chris Minns and his lookbook of ugly apartments are set to culturally and socially vandalise some of Sydney's wealthiest enclaves by making it easier for a diverse group of people to live there.

If the government has its way, the area will welcome close to 150,000 new residents, and they won't all be named Hugo or Philomena. It will span the distance between Paddington, Woollahra, Edgecliff and Bondi Junction. Which is home to plants, animals and downsizers from Sydney's Upper North Shore.

The NSW Government did not reply to this masthead's questions before deadline. However, one local resident said she's aware of a disturbing demographic projection they have seen online.

"By 2030, they're expecting Muhammad to be the most popular boy's name at Royal Women's in Randwick," they said.

"And they're going to turn St Mark's in Darling Point into a mosque! This government is trying to have us erased!"

These developments have humoured the rest of the city, which has already had to suffer the horrific indignity of welcoming foreigners into their community.

With the prospect of some of Sydney's most valuable and desirable areas being transformed into "New Zetland", which is local parlance for a poorly planned and sanitised shithole stacked with visually offensive apartments made by the lowest bidder and lived in by folks who can barely speak the King's, residents of Sydney's western suburbs have told The Advocate that they might actually move there now there's an affordable foothold coming.

"Mashallah, we will go shopping on Oxford Street," said one prospective buyer.

"Feed flatbread to the ducks in Centennial Park, that's if the other New Australians moving to Woollahra haven't stolen them all to eat!"

More to come.