Perth Bears Starting To Worry Sharky Beaches And Income Tax Can't Compete With A PNG Military Compound

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Groans were heard booming from west of the nation yesterday, as news broke that NRL superstar Jarome Luai has reportedly signed with the Papua New Guinea Chiefs, a team that does not exist yet.

His signing comes before the Perth Bears, which are due to enter the competition first, have had the chance to make an announcement of this magnitude.

The former Penrith Panthers playmaker turned Wests Tigers cinderella man has agreed to join the NRL’s 19th team in 2028 as their marquee player.

Overnight, the Perth Bears board have convened in a panic - after realising that their sharky beaches and unique psych-rock live music scene isn't really as appealing as a tax-free NRL salary.

Luai travelled to Port Moresby after the Tigers’ electric win at a sold out Leichhardt Oval on the weekend - by a private jet paid for by the Papua New Guinean government. It was there that he met with Chiefs officials, attended a local game and received the type of hero’s welcome that only the locals in our neighbouring rugby league heartland could put on.

This is bad news for the Perth Bears, who are due to join the competition next year, without any real superstars on their books. In fact, the only NRL superstar who has relocated to Western Australia in the last few months is Zac Lomax - who is signing with a rugby union club.

Perth Bears board members had imagined that the beautiful women and ocean sunsets would have been enough to lure any red-blooded young rugby league players, but it seems that Port Moresby offers shorter flights, more cash and luxury family accomodation inside what is effectively a military compound.

It is believed that high-ranking Perth Bears officials are today lobbying the Albanese government for their news signings to have a similar tax-free-status as those who are relocate to Port Moresby.

However, the Prime Minister has said that considering Perth doesn't have any pokie machines, they already technically have tax-free status considering Perth Bears players won't be losing half their income every Saturday night.

More to come.