Packet Of Beef Jerky Hooks Local Man On The Way Out Of Dan’s Yet Again

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Local dad, Kizza Mutt (35), fancies himself as a man immune to sales tactics.  

He’s never once given his card details to a cold caller, no matter how charming they  were or how “once-in-a-lifetime” the Port Macquarie timeshare holiday packages sounded. 

He’s also quick to reject a servo ‘2-for-1’ on the Gatorades, and is known for pulling off a Jayden Campbell-esque sidestep when it comes to charity muggers. 

But, like a toddler being wooed by a Kinder Surprise at the supermarket checkout, Kizza has today found himself undone at the final hurdle: the Dan Murphy’s counter. 

As a red-blooded man, Kizza understands one simple truth: nothing pairs better with an arvo tipple than a salty, high-protein snack of dehydrated Aussie beef.  

With a box of red and a sixpack of mid-strength Queensland beer already in the trolley,  Kizza knows he’s already got what he came for. Mission accomplished. In and out. Clinical. 

But that jerky is looking straight at him, taunting him. Sitting front and centre, knowing exactly what it’s doing. Kizza wants – nay, needs – those salty strips of marinated livestock.  

He weighs it up. It’s that awkward window between lunch and dinner. He did go to the gym this morning. Protein would actually be responsible.. It costs less than a bridge toll. Honestly, it’d be rude not to.

And if it survives the trip home, he could maybe be pass it off as a thoughtful treat for the wife. 

Within seconds, the decision is made. Hook line and sinker. 

“Yeah bung this one in there too, would ya,” he says, sliding the packet across with quiet resignation.  

The cashier nods. He’s seen this before.

“Cheers” says Kizza, already justifying it. “Good protein, that.” 

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