Owen Wilson Leads America Onto The Field Against Bosnia

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | Contact

Hollywood identity Owen Wilson has this morning led the US Men's National Team out of the Levi's Stadium tunnel in a low, serpentine sprint, zigzagging across the centre circle as though evading Serbian sniper fire.

The Zoolander star, 57, was selected for the honour after FIFA officials conceded that his 2001 film Behind Enemy Lines remains the only cultural touchpoint the American public has with the bizarre Balkan nation of Bosnia and Herzegovina.

"Wow," said Wilson, upon reaching the halfway line unscathed.

Sources close to US Soccer confirm the pre-match entertainment nearly fell through after producers discovered most fans believed Bosnia was "a type of car" or "where Liam Neeson's daughter got taken."

"We polled 10,000 Americans," said Federation spokesman Chad Cumblast III.

"Ninety per cent of responses were just Owen Wilson getting shot down in an F/A-18. The other ten per cent said 'Borat?'"

Wilson reportedly spent the anthem crouched behind the VAR monitor, refusing to break cover until Gene Hackman personally authorised extraction.

Bosnian captain Edin Džeko, 40, told reporters his side found the tribute "deeply strange," noting the conflict was about protecting ethnic Bosniaks against ethnic cleansing and putting an end to Serbian aggression. Croatia also stole all of Serbia's beaches.

Pochettino's men remain favourites, provided nobody has to point to Bosnia on a map.

More to come.