NZ PM Slides In Polls After Reuben, Jess, Tom And Dyl Decide He's Been A Dickhead

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

With the New Zealand General Election just over two months away, the incumbent Christopher Luxon and his National-led Government have taken a hit in the polls after Reuben, Jess, Tom and Dyl from the Auckland area decided he's been a dickhead during this term of government.

The slide in popularity is unlikely to impact the result if the election were held today, with Luxon's government all but certain to be returned to the Beehive with a weakened mandate.

Speaking to The Advocate via wired telephone, Reuben, from Auckland's cosmopolitan outpost of Newmarket, said that Luxon has disappointed him in a number of ways.

"Oh, I just think he's gone about things wrong, so I'm gonna vote for the other guy," he said. "Yup, I think it's time for the other guy to have a go."

Jess from East Tāmaki agreed.

"Yeah, look," she said, taking the receiver from Reuben.

"He's had a fair go, not that I have anything against him personally. I just think he's had a fair go and it's time for another person to have a go. I reckon we need another woman back, this place needs a bit of a woman's touch right now. Get us back on track, then hand it back over to some meathead farm boy from Otago."

Next on the phone, which was one of three payphones in downtown Wellington, was local bartender Tom from Wellington.

"He's lost me on his housing stuff," he said.

"I bought an investment property after the pandemic and he's crashed the housing market. Now I'm stuck making Fire Engines and pouring beers forever. Thanks, Chris, ya dickhead!"

And lastly, Dyl from Christchurch said he usually votes in a pattern where he votes for the opposite person to the one he voted for last time.

"I voted for Chris, I think. It was a few years ago," he said.

"And now, I think it's time for the speccy rednut to have a chance. Is he the other guy? Christ, I don't really know."

New Zealand heads to the polls sometime in November, when the sun is higher in the sky.

More to come.