New York City Faces Their Biggest Existential Threat Since Mamdani

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

The Big Apple is today bracing for a storm.

The biggest storm since a man who threatened to tax billionaires surged to power.

Because for the first time in nearly 3 decades, the New York Knicks are in the NBA finals.

BING BONG.

And that means their fans are about to go wild.

While there's some speculation that Knicks fans may tear the city to the ground if they lose, others hold grave fears that the win may be even worse.

However, no one should be more scared of a loss than Karl Anthony Towns, who should consider never returning to New York if they lose.

This comes as the finals tip off a long way away in San Antonio against a player who looks to be the most freakish to ever step foot on a basketball court - who is also crying at the thought of playing in a Finals Series.

The series will return to New York in a few days, with tickets costing more than a 2 bedroom shithole in a moderately gentrified Sydney suburb.

While the people more scared of Mamdani than being stuck in a room with a homeless person will snag all the tickets to the historic game, the real fans will be ready to hit the streets and cause the chaos they are famous for.

More to come.