New Dad’s Sneeze Just Became 10 Times Louder

VICKI DERWENT | Lifestyle | CONTACT

A local Betoota man has noticed his sneeze has increased in volume significantly since the arrival of his first child. 

34 year old, new Dad, Keiran Williams always thought his sneeze was average in volume and extravagance but since becoming a Dad he can’t help but shock everyone in a 20 metre radius when he sneezes. 

“It’s like a bomb has gone off,” Keiran told The Advocate. 

“I think a lady’s hat blew off once it was so loud,” he added. 

While the correlation between loud sneezes and fatherhood is still in the early stages of research, many Neuroscientists as well as Allergists believe becoming a Dad means having an obnoxiously loud sneeze. 

Leading Betoota Neuroscientist, Samantha Elliott has been studying the phenomenon for years. 

“We find it’s a combination of getting old, difficult breathing, lung capacity mixed with this idea of a fatherhood rite of passage” Dr. Eliott explained. 

“It’s heavily linked with masculinity, the louder the sneeze the bigger the man.” 

“It’s like men think their loud sneezes will protect their families from danger.” 

Keiran’s wife, and new mother, Taylor Eddington, has found that Keiran’s sneezes have done the opposite of protect his child from danger. 

“The only thing that sneeze is doing is waking up our 2 month old” Taylor told our reporter. 

“It’s attention seeking, that’s what it is,” she added. 

With hay fever season soon approaching, many families are preparing for multiple earthquake like sneezes a day. Taylor didn’t realise this was something she was signing up for when she married the man. 

“I’m fine with the beer gut and the balding, even the spandex cycling phase I’m ready for, but the next 60 years of these fucking sneezes?”