Minister Confirms Dead Birds Go In The Red Bin, Not The Green Bin, As Bird COVID Kicks Off

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Ag Minister Julie Collins has all but confirmed this week that the nation is awaiting the arrival of bird COVID, which will trigger an unprecedented number of animal deaths around Australia.

Speaking to the media in Canberra today, the Minister outlined that "this shit is already here" and that now is the time to get prepared.

"Yeah look we've confirmed that a shitload of birds died on some rocks off of South Australia last month. A hundred or so, fuck all really in the scheme of things, there's billions of birds but maybe by this time next year, there might only be millions, so listen up," she told reporters.

"This thing will fuck up a bird quicker than a dumb farm boy with an air rifle. It does not discriminate. It'll even put your dog or cat in dirt if it's got a weak constitution. So a bit of common sense goes a long way. Don't let your cat or dog eat a sick bird. Pretty straight forward,"

"Also, if you find a dead bird, wrap that sucker in Glad Wrap and chuck it in your red bin. I have to stress, it goes in the red bin. Just because it's a living thing, doesn't mean it goes in the green bin. Also, wear gloves. This thing might not rock humans, yet, but we know not to tempt fate when it comes to this sort of thing. Last thing we need is another pandemic because let me tell you, Albo will not be as benevolent as ScoMo, let me tell you that for free."

The Minister concluded the press conference by reminding the reporters, it's the red bin. Not the green bin.

More to come.