Melbourne Braces For Critical Dexxie Shortage As Hordes Of Freo Fans Descend On The City

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The eccentric and cosmopolitan city of Melbourne is currently gearing up for the biggest weekend of the year.

Despite neither side in this year's AFL Grand Final hailing from the city, Melbournians will still of course be enjoying a day off and the biggest game of the year - featuring entertainment from Aussie icon Kylie Minogue.

The lack of Melbourne teams is of course a boon for tourism, but is reportedly set to cause a serious supply issue.

That issue is set to be the record levels of dextroamphetamine consumed across the weekend in Melbourne, with hordes of Freo fans descending on the city for what they hope will be the greatest weekend of their lives.

More commonly known as dexies or dexxies, the ADHD medication is incredibly popular around the country, particularly in Melbourne - for both medical and recreational purposes.

However, no cohort outside of American colleges or financial institutions, can be matched in the sheer love for the stimulants when compared to people from Perth - particularly Freo.

While ADHD diagnosis is high in the Golden West, the insatiable recreational appetite for the regulated meds is without parallel.

And that of course means the pinnacle of sporting euphoria in a city that Freo people adore is wheels cleared for lift off.

Since the thrilling win over the Swannies last Friday night, dealers and prescribed consumers have been readying their supply to meet the inundation that will be greeting them from this evening.

"Mate, I'm driving across the fucking Nullabor to try and snag a ticket on the day," said one car load of Freo fans from somewhere on the West/South Australian border.

"I will be going hard."

"Obviously we don't mind other more enlightening substances too, but for the stamina that is required - a significant investment will need to be made."