Man Opts Out Of The Algorithm By Throwing His Fucking Phone Off A Bridge And Going To The Pub

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Alcohol, nicotine and a warm spring breeze have continued to solve local problems this week after a local man found himself at the pub without his phone.

As the Federal Government announced it will be putting control of social media algorithms back in the hands of users, French Quarter resident Liam Turner went one step further and took back control of his idle moments.

From now on, until society's pressures and expectations force him to replace it, the 45-year-old geography teacher at Green Road State School will be exploring the lost art of spending time in his own company.

Shortly after Prime Minister Anthony Albanese made the announcement in Canberra, Turner threw his phone off the Rutherford Road Bridge into the Diamantina River below – and then he went to the pub.

Speaking to The Advocate over a smorgasbord of complimentary Mentos, lamingtons and second-hand smoke, Turner said the decision was easy.

"Oh, I'd just had enough of it," he said, taking a deep and spiritual drag of a Filipino Marlboro Red.

"You know, you're always looking at it, playing with it. Answering messages and emails. Looking at reels, you know, mindless rubbish. I was walking over the bridge, watching reels. I mean, what have I become?"

Turner said the intrusive thought to throw his phone off the bridge entered his mind shortly after he saw what he hopes will be his last-ever reel.

"I'd gone from Karl (Stefanovic) talking about politics, then I flicked up, and the next one was some Chinese factory worker getting pulled into an industrial lathe and ripped to pieces. Then the next one was another bloke getting run over by a forklift and killed. No thanks, so I just chucked it in the river," he added.

"Now I'm at the pub, talking to you in the pokies. And I've never felt better."

More to come.