Malcolm Roberts Watches Intently As One Nation Attempts To Shock The Gay Out Of Barnaby Once And For All

INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact

Senator Malcolm Roberts is desperate this week to try and turn One Nation's fortunes around after their lower house representatives started to sing from a more Protestant hymn sheet.

In the past fortnight, Member for New England and party figurehead Barnaby Joyce declared on the ABC's Background Briefing that the party was among the gayest on offer to voters.

Then shortly after that, freshly minted One Nation member and regional quiche eater David Farley went as far as saying immigration was pretty good as it is under Labor, totally undermining the foundation and sole purpose of the party to begin with.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning from an undiscosed dark hospital in one of Tamworth's outer commuter suburbs, Senator Malcolm Roberts said the directive from the top says turn things around, or else.

"Which is why my colleague Barnaby and I agreed that we need to do something, and we need to do it now."

Roberts detailed watching Barnaby undergo electroshock therapy, a controversial treatment for homosexuality that Roberts understands to be very effective based on empirical evidence uncovered by himself.

"It's horrific," he added.

"But when it was over, all Barnaby wanted to do was go and sit in a TAB for a little bit and have a bit of a sit down. Then we went to Big W over the road and he remarked that he should get a few pairs of $9 tracksuit pants because they're on special. Then when we went to a cafe to get a coffee, and something for him to eat because he had to fast for 12 hours before his electrocution, and he broke wind in the queue loud enough for a group of tradesmen to hear. He turned around and apologised, he had Old El Paso Stand'n'Stuff tacos the night before and it'd turned his guts into the first day of the Somme. They thought that was hilarious,"

"He also didn't grimace at wearing brown shoes with a black belt, either. He pointed out a Triton asked me what I thought that bloke's husband drove. When we got back to Danglemah, he referred to some of his cattle as being 'knock-kneed, narrow-arsed, fucken high-tailed, angry cuntsathings'. It's early days but I think we might've cured him of the gay."

The Advocate reached out to Barnaby's office but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.