Left-Handed Man Cuts The Bullshit And Decides To Finally Take Part In The Monoculture

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After 68-years a "left handed" man has finally decided to drop the act and conform to the monoculture.

"I was just doing it for attention, obviously I can make do writing with the normal hand" admitted John Brown (78).

John says Pauline Hanson's groundbreaking "monoculture" speech last week left him wondering if it was time for him to stop being such a whinging minority and start acting like a REAL Australian.

"I just thought it was a perfect time for me to admit I'm just like everyone else and stop trying to divide the country"

"People like me are ripping this country apart, difference is our weakness and the right thing to do is to fit in."

"Literally it's the 'right' thing to do. I don't know why I persisted with this needless individuality when I could've just assimilated"

For years, left handed people have insisted on being different, with many suspecting that it was a brazen protest against the mainstream.

"I never bought it once, I knew they were up to something" said one normal right-handed pedestrian who is praising Pauline Hanson for finally having the GUTS to say what he didn't know he was thinking.

Friends say Johns's elaborate performance included buying left-handed scissors, awkwardly shaking hands, and making everyone at dinner spend an extra five seconds figuring out where to seat him.

"It started in primary school because people thought it was interesting" John confessed.

"I was lucky to get away with it. The older kids got the cane until they stopped being different"

"In hindsight, I wish I'd recieved corporal punishment. Before I knew it, I'd committed to decades of opening notebooks backwards and smudging every birthday card I signed."

John has since begun the difficult process of reintegrating into mainstream society and embracing the glorious monoculture.