Kiwi Soothes Rugby Withdrawals By Being Polite And Humble After Flogging Flatmate In FIFA

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Two French Quarter flatmates are making the most of their time together by generally avoiding each other until one of them decides to play FIFA.

Tom Stanley, a kind and generally upbeat Kiwi, has been sharing a flat with his Australian friend Mike Taylor for over a year now.

He describes it as being peaceful and uneventful. They both have high-paying jobs, they both still have those jobs – but have to work remotely.

“Things are great but I miss watching and playing rugby, you know. It’s in my blood, I can’t help it,” said Tom.

The 28-year-old software designer spoke briefly to The Advocate today from his third-story window. Our reporter was walking his elderly neighbour’s dog around the block so he could enjoy a John Player Special away from the wife and kid.

“So sometimes, when [my flatemate] Mike and I play FIFA, I give him a small window to secure victory before I score four goals back to back and flog him,” he said.

“That’s soothing my rugby withdrawals. I’m always polite and humble in victory, which is a cornerstone of our success as a rugbying nation,”

“Only once have I lost my temper playing or watching rugby. We’d just beaten the Wallabies in Dunedin in the pissing rain and I asked this miserable-looking Aussie how it felt to come all this way to lose and he just turned around and said, ‘Mate, at least I get to go home. You’re stuck in this fucking shithole,’ and I just about lost it,”

“I called him a prick.”

Tom then apologised for no apparent reason and poked his head back inside.

More to come.