Terrified Byron Hippy Sitting On A $25m Beach Shack Has No Fucken Idea What His Next Move Is
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In what economic analysts are calling his most decisive act of fiscal leadership this term, Treasurer Jim Chalmers today split the "C" on a warm 600mL buddy of Vanilla Coke in his office.
Witnesses say Chalmers cracked the lid with a confident quarter-turn before taking a long, contemplative pull, eyes close, head tilted back and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
The Treasurer reportedly paid full price ($4.80) despite being well aware of the two-for-$7 deal, and made no effort to grab a cold one from the fridge. Critics have seized on both decisions as further evidence of Labor's loose approach to household spending.
When pressed during Question Time, Chalmers remained defiant and offered no apology.
More to come.