Hell Yeah Four Corners All But Confirms Local Man Had Horse Meat Tacos For Dinner Last Night

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A resident of our town's low-socioeconomic pocket has this week been forced to confront the uncomfortable truth that he may have consumed horse meat.

Palming both hard-and-soft-shell tacos down his gullet last night, at an undignified pace, local man Dennis Hardigan told our reporter that Four Corners on the ABC gave him pause over the meat he had purchased just a few hours prior.

The confirmed bachelor and his longtime flatmate, Mr Aiden Pellet, decided to have "Mexican" last night on a whim. That throwing of caution to the wind required Dennis to stop by his local discount supermarket, which in his shithole satellite suburb of our cosmopolitan inland port city is a Shoeys.

In the fridge were many mince options. Different animal species, different quality. None of them had anything about a horse on the packaging. Dennis said this fact made him feel secure about his purchase.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning, Dennis explained that because he and Aiden are no good at making money, they don't have much of it. So when it comes to choosing a protein, it's first to the special bin, then to the imported meat section.

"Last night, I got 500g of beef mince from a brand I'd never heard of. It was something like Yankee Cow. I was led to believe the meat was American."

As he and Aiden made light work of the Old El Paso banquet while they watched Four Corners, Dennis said he began to feel uneasy.

"I knew at that moment, when they were testing the mince, that Aiden and I were eating horse meat. I just knew it," he added.

"It had a slightly more gamey taste, it was a bit metallic. So metallic that it cut through the cumin and chilli like an out-of-control bushfire. It was also $9/kg. So yeah, it was 500g of American meat that cost me $4.50. Something has to give."

Dennis then made a point that he and Aiden were not morally opposed to eating horse meat. That given the option, and given the lower cost base per meal, they would choose horse meat most nights. Aiden then said there weren't many animal products that he would turn his nose up at.

"Everyone is doing it hard," Aiden said.

"Not that I'd eat a dog or a cat, but other large mammals like horses, donkeys, mules; large game such as surplus male great apes from zoological parks. I'd eat a young gorilla. I'd also eat more birds than just chickens, I'd also eat cockatoos and parrots. They can get quite big. You name it, I'd probably eat it."

Dennis nodded and patted him on the back.

"It's hard out there."

More to come.