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His name is Frankie.
Frankie Lama, but his mates call him Tank.
This 44-year-old truck driver from Concord has been identified as the only bloke in New South Wales that has not visiting the now notorious Crossroads Hotel in Casula this week.
Because of this unwitting coincidence, Tank doesn’t need to visit a drive-thru COVID-19 testing nation and have his naval cavity violated, because he has been ruled out as someone who could have been infected in the outbreak in South-West Sydney.
The number of positive cases linked to the Sydney pub was at 34 on Wednesday, with concerns the virus may have spread to more venues including the Star Casino, Milky Lane burger restaurant in Parramatta, steakhouse Hurricane’s Grill in Brighton and Woolworths at Bowral in the Southern Highlands.
While the businesses currently undergoing deep-cleans paint a pretty good picture of the patient zero at the centre of this imminent NSW second wave – as a portly pokie-addict who doesn’t mind visiting restaurants that host eating challenges – Frankie says usually he’d be a sitting duck, as someone who doesn’t mind those kinds of vices.
“Who doesn’t like spending hours on end playing criminally addictive pokie machines while wiping their hands over their face and then driving 40 kilometres East and eating barbecue ribs until the waiter takes a photo of you in a bib”
He’s right, according to NSW Health Minister Brad Hazzard just hours ago – who confirmed that every single person to drive on Hume Highway apparently had a beer at the Crossroads Hotel over the last 10 days, with every single one of them also having a bit of slap in the VIP room.
However, by the grace of God, Frank The Tank isn’t one of these people.
He appears to be the only bloke out of the the 3.5 million adult males over 18 in the state who hasn’t visited the fucking place since the outbreak.
“I haven’t even been this month” says Frankie.
His reasoning is quite simple
“Dry July. Haha.”
“This missus has been banging on about it for years so I thought I’d give it a crack”
“I knew it was gonna be good for the back pocket… But I didn’t think it would also secure the functionality of my upper respiratory system”