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Scotty From Marketing has today brought together the greatest marketing minds that the Hillsong faction of the Young Liberals have to offer.
This comes after countless polls show that Scotty’s severe incompetencies are managing to leak through the near impenetrable Murdoch protection racket that has done nothing but protect the voters from how any of his fuck ups.
With 15 million people in lockdown and new revelations that our government actively avoiding meetings with Pfizer executives last year because they wanted to go with their jab manufacturer that his ministers had all bought shares in, it has become clear the Prime Minister needs to switch on if he wants to remain in this job that he is astonishingly ill-suited for.
The ten weeks that majority of the nation has spent stuck in their homes with insufficient jab supplies and a buckling health system was not made any easier by the news that Morrison was able to cross state borders to spend Father’s Day Weekend with his family – despite NewsCorp’s best efforts to not report on the most recent act of self-indulgent stupidity.
So today, with a room full of yes-men who wouldn’t be able to name the captain the Cronulla Sharks with a gun pointed to their temples, Scotty is focusing on tackling the biggest issue facing his government.
That is, the fact that Australians might just be sick of his shit and will vote for even the most uninspiring Labor opposition if it puts them out of the misery that Scott Morrison delivers to them every time he shows his face.
“Okay fellas. Time to brainstorm!” says Scotty From Marketing, as he pulls up a projector slide of himself.
“This is our biggest hurdles right now. That’s what the data is telling us anyway”
“How to do we deal with this?”
The ten straight white males sitting in front of him begin to murmur, without saying anything in particular out of fear of damaging the Prime Minister’s extremely fragile ego.
“I’ve got an idea!” says one young upstart, who believes public housing is an outdated luxury for people who lack work ethic and want free handouts.
“Maybe you could say ‘mate’ more… Also all of our research tells us Australians love blokes who drink beer”
“Yes!” he says.
“That’s what I’m looking for. More beer.”
“I wonder if I can get some alcohol free beer to decanter in a beer glass. Even the mid-strength stuff seems to make me feel yucky”
Another hand goes up. Morrison points to him.
“Maybe you could stop constantly going on holidays in the middle of public disasters when millions of Australians can’t see their loved ones and are facing extreme financial distress” said the brave intern.
“Maybe that could help our re-election prospects”
Scotty’s mood visibly changes.
“Hey mate. I’ll make this quick” he snarls
“Are you a Catholic or something? That might make a bit of sense if so.”
“What a stupid thing to say.”
“Put your stuff in a box and get the fuck out of here. And don’t ever come back you worthless fucking germ”