World No.1 Djokovic has been drawn to face fellow Serb and Davis Cup teammate Miomir Kecmanovic in round one of the Australian Open, in what appears to be a clever play by the tournament organisers who desperately needed to find a way to calm his supporters down.

This news comes despite the fact that Scott Morrison and his colleagues have just spent a week on Twitter and breakfast TV shows to announce that this WOULDN’T be happening.

Unfortunately for the government, organisers have gone ahead and assumed it will be, after it became clear that this government never actually comes good on their big theatrical announcements, and could actually fuck up a cup coffee if they were ever asked to make one.

Meanwhile, Immigration Minister Alex Hawke will not be making a decision tonight on whether to cancel Djokovic’s visa as the saga drags into its seventh day.

It is believed Hawke is still considering the matter and would not be making any decision today, likely due to the fact that he is hungover from a big night on the Fantas at the Hillsong Youth Wildfire Festival.

Scotty From Marketing has confirmed Mr Hawke was still considering whether to cancel the tennis star’s visa, but really wanted to point out that federal immigration policy is actually an responsibility of Dan Andrews, and the fact that he was even addressing this issue with Djokovic is just a testament to his hard work and willingness to go above and beyond in his role as Prime Minister

There was initially expectation that an announcement would be made on the tennis star’s future in this afternoon press conference on national cabinet, but this issue appears to be a bit like the Net Zero negotiations, in that it is actually a difficult decision to make and therefore the government just avoids giving an answer for as long as they can.

However, Mr Morrison said there had been no change from yesterday and these are personal ministerial powers able to be exercised by Minister Hawke, so it’s up to him if he wants to define his political career by vilifying the world number 1 tennis champion and banning him from ever entering our country again to play in the Australian Open.

Australians are now beginning to wonder if we’ll ever even see all these tanks and submarines that keep getting announced, now that the government has proven they are unable to even stop one man from entering our country.


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