Good Grandson Lies And Says Grandma Seemed Normal During Recent Visit

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights man has this week provided his mother with a heavily sanitised account of a Sunday lunch at his grandmother's house, confirming that the 91-year-old seemed completely fine and with it.

Mitchell Turner made the trip out to his Nan's Betoota Grove home on Sunday morning, where he reportedly enjoyed a pleasant afternoon of mini Twixes and chocolate eggs while the family matriarch chain-smoked Dunhills indoors and nursed a toy orangutan that she has named Daphne.

The 24-year-old says his grandmother Doreen Turner introduced Daphne as "the only grandkid who visits" before pouring two very stiff Pims into proper glasses, one for herself and one for Mitchell, it being 11:40 am.

Speaking to The Advocate, Mitchell insists there was nothing to report.

"Yeah nah, she was great," he said.

"Sharp as a tack. We just had a quiet one. She's back on the smokes, though. Lunch was great, just a few chocolate eggs. Dunhills. Whatever that drink was. Pretty good afternoon."

It's understood Mitchell briefly weighed up flagging the afternoon's more colourful details before realising it would kick off a six-month family group chat war about nursing homes, and that Nan is demonstrably having a better time than anyone else in the family.

"She's happy, the little monkey is happy," he said.

"Who am I to blow that up? I'm not ratting her out to nobody."

More to come.