Gerry Harvey Prays To Sweet Baby Jesus For Federal Government To Bring Back The Baby Bonus

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While Australia's most economically distressed voters are encouraged by politicians to blame immigrants for their dire circumstances, a new report tabled this week has outlined that things would actually be much worse without our current intake of international arrivals.

Australia's latest Intergenerational Report shows younger generations are working longer hours with no assets or economic milestones to show for it, while falling fertility and an aging population are also expected to reshape the economy and put greater pressure on government spending in the next 40 years.

This begs the question that western countries all across the world are asking themselves - how do we get more tin lids in cots?

Labor have moved to dismisses calls for a return to the $5000 baby bonus that was available to young families in the Howard era, with Treasurer Chalmers pointing to housing policy as a key to solving this issue.

However, the unofficial leader of the Federal Opposition, Andrew Hastie MP has weighed in on the latest intergenerational report, saying he’s “open minded” about the possible return to financial incentives to encourage more people to have kids.

The Liberal MP noted there were mixed views amongst economists whether the baby bonus actually works, but he said he would “support anything that allows young Australians to form families soon enough”.

This announcement has put pressure on Labor to at least consider the policy - given that it seemed to work in the late 1990s before the birthrate slumped.

News of a possible return to the baby bonus has permeated through the suburbs of Australia, as young families who are struggling with the cost of living get exciting by the prospect of being paid thousands of dollars to do something that they were thinking about doing for free.

Meanwhile, at the top end of town, this news has caused similar elation, as the CEOs and share holders of Australia's major retailers lick their lips at the amount of material items that will fly out the door if we give Australians COLD HARD CASH!

"Pleasesweet baby Jesus" said Harvey Norman CEO, Gerry Harvey, as he walks into church for the first time decades today.

"This will be like Rudd's stimulus package all over again.