Fitzroy Yuppie Takes It Upon Himself To Educate The Pub About The History Of The Brisbane Lions

PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT

A Fitzroy yuppie has decided that it is his sole responsibility to educate his fellow patrons about the true history of the Brisbane Lions Football Club. 

Paul Akers was born and raised in the affluent, largely gentrified suburb of Fitzroy but claims it wasn’t always this way. 

He maintains that he lived through the rough and tumble behind the pristine gates of a terrace home where his father struggled as an accountant.

Though he was still shitting in his dacks when the mighty Lions achieved the early 2000s three-peat, he talks about it like it was only yesterday. 

“Yep the great merger of 96 was born out of the financial pressures that Fitzroy residents are no stranger to.”

“It was a marriage born out of mutual struggle, a union strengthened by what we had in common not what set us apart,” he said between vape hits.

“We could be looking at another threepeat aye boys!”

There was a palpable disinterest exerted by those who surrounded him. 

Not only did they actively not give a fuck about what Mr Akers was saying but they already knew the clubs history well, it was such a surface level boring factoid that it wasn’t really worth mentioning. 

At half time when the real leg tennis fanatics jumped up to kick the footy in the park across the road, Akers stayed seated.

“I’m more of a spectator”

“I love the game but my playing days are long behind me”

The Advocate understands that Mr Akers spent the remainder of the game looking at footy commentary reels on his phone.

The true Brisbane Lions believers watched the remainder of the game with a stern attentiveness that only lapsed when their XXXX got low. 

More to come.