FIFA Considers Poaching Gríma Wormtongue As Infantino’s Replacement After Privatisation Failure

FIFA Considers Poaching Gríma Wormtongue As Infantino’s Replacement After Privatisation Failure

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Former chief counsellor at the court of King Théoden of Rohan and known associate of Saruman The White, Gríma Wormtongue, has been seen coming out of FIFA HQ in Zurich.

FIFA acknowledged that they were exploring the idea of replacing current FIFA boss Gianni Infantino, with the former advisor.

"After some clear missteps from Infantino, including his failed attempt to privatise the World Cup, we think the best thing moving forward is to reassure our member nations by implementing a cleaner face to the top job," said a spokesperson for the organisation.

The football governing body reportedly believes Wormtongue possesses the exact blend of diplomacy, manipulation and shameless self-interest required to navigate the increasingly difficult world of international football politics.

"We're looking for someone who can weaken powerful institutions from the inside while maintaining the appearance that everything is perfectly normal," the spokesperson explained.

"Frankly, his work in Edoras speaks for itself."

Sources say Wormtongue also proposed replacing independent football associations with a single tower-based administrative structure similar to the one seen in Isengard, where all decisions could be communicated through a mysterious glowing orb that definitely wouldn't be used to influence anybody.

Interviewers were particularly impressed when Wormtongue assured them that selling broadcast rights to crypto gambling companies was simply a necessary modernisation and dismissed concerned delegates as "agents of Gandalf."

FIFA executives described the endorsement as exactly the sort of independent character reference we were hoping for.

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