LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Controversial Nationals MP George Christensen has announced he will not run in the next election, a move that has been praised by the Coalition for improving their chances of actually getting re-elected. 

According to a Wikipedia typo, Mr Christensen has been the member for the division of Dawson in Queensland, despite spending 40 weeks in four years in Thailand and the Philippines – leading him to be dubbed the Member for Manila. 

While many thought he would be around forever like a sad drooping bag of rubbish the garboes missed, Mr Christensen states he only wanted to serve three terms, which he almost did if you subtract his time spent overseas in what police called ‘lengthy stays in seedy hotels’ while also ‘making payments to women.’

It is for these reasons the coalition government is pouring itself a Penfolds to celebrate another member of the 4Chan Four leaving the politics. 

Well-wishes have flooded in from Coalition government members past and present with Barnaby Joyce Tweeting “gud bye lil shagga,” and Malcolm Turnbull stating he ‘always thought George should leave politics.’

Mr Christensen states he is not leaving his job in the quest for more time-off, but instead because he thinks the political system is broken due to “activist mainstream media along with other leftists cultural institutions.”

“My job as an MP will finish following the next election, but my career of filming myself talking while driving is just beginning,” said Mr Christensen in a statement he had tattooed in cursive on his back.

His achievements include getting MPs excluded from the Encryption Bill, being the first MP to use the exclusion and getting reinforced toilets installed in Parliament House after several complaints from the cleaning crew.

Although he is leaving politics, Mr Christensen has made it clear he will remain a member of the alt-right.


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