ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The nation’s least favourite government agency is set to have their funding almost halved after an Australian Tax Office employee had the ‘intestinal fortitude’ to order an audit on a sitting Member of Parliament.
No media outlet is able to name the Member currently under investigation by the Tax Office because of legal reasons – however – The Advocate can reveal that the staffer at the ATO who ordered the audit is set to lose their job.
A statement released by the Office of the Treasurer this afternoon detailed the desperate necessity to ‘streamline’ and ‘restructure’ the Tax Office as to return the nation’s bottom line to the black.
“Like the ABC, the Tax Office is full of driftwood and left-leaning rot. Just the operations alone cost millions of dollars a year more than it needs to,”
“Every now and then, every company needs to trim the excess to keep shareholders happy. The government is the same. But every Australian is a shareholder in the government and the interests of every Australian is in our heart going forward when we make decisions such as this,”
“Purple monkey dishwasher.”
Just before signing off for the week, the Prime Minister explained to reporters huddled over a bin fire in a Manuka park that the cuts had nothing to do with any MP being audited.
“I’ve been audited many times,” said Malcolm Turnbull.
“There’s cheques and balances that need to be done. I expect all of you reporting on this to be audited next year. It’s just a part of the job of being an Australian tax payer,”
Turnbull then told a very cold and shivering Joe Hilderbrand to wake up to himself before getting back into the Prime Ministerial 7-Series.
More to come.