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Anthony Albanese has today made small steps towards winning back the voters that Labor lost to poorly articulated policy and uninspiring campaigning during the 2019 Federal Election.
The Labor leader-elect was in Caboolture on Tuesday to start his listening tour of the Sunshine State, where he began efforts to rebuild trust with the voter base.
“I wouldn’t usually do this… But has anyone lost a bag” asked the Member For Grayndler during a press conference at a prominent North Brisbane Leagues Club.
“One of my staffers found it in the bathrooms and it’s like a point eight at least. Would be spewing if you lost this”
Even the blatantly pro-Liberal media scrum appeared astounded by this level of honesty from the Labor leader, with many noting that if it had been them that found a full bag – they’d definitely be keeping a lid on it.
“What a good bloke” said one reporter for the Sunshine Coast Daily
“Unbelievable. I would have taken that bad boy straight into the pokies and started keying up”
It is believed that the mysterious bag was claimed discreetly by a nearby talkback radio field reporter, who thanked Albanese profusely, before offering him a slug.
“No thanks mate. Not really my bag” he said.
“Pardon the pun”
The crowd laughed hysterically before Albanese did the petty drug user one last favour.
“Actually, I wouldn’t be waving that around much longer I think one of those snitches at Channel 9 have called the cops”
“Hit the back door, I’ll stall them on the way in”