CSIRO Discover Perfect Man Who’s Never Done Anything Wrong

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Scientists from the nation’s biggest money pit have revealed this morning that they’ve discovered a perfect man, thought to be the world’s first recorded example, sitting in a Yamba pub over the Easter long-weekend.

Barnaby Joyce, a lobbyist for big mining and agribusiness as well as a sitting member of the House of Representatives, was tapped on the shoulder on Saturday morning by a holidaying researcher from the CSIRO and asked if he was perfect.

“Yes and I’ve got nothing to hide,” he said.

“Look at my track record, nothing to hide. If people say I’m to blame for anything, they’re probably just my political opponents out to smear my name,’

“I’m a straight shooter. I guess you could say that the only time I’m guilty of being is a plastic Queenslander. Go to Maroons! [laughs] In all honesty, though, I’m a perfect specimen of an adult human male.”

However, a number of political commentators and politicians The Advocate spoke to said Mr Joyce was to blame for a myriad of different things.

However, due to the fact that The Advocate’s editor, Clancy Overell, also received a brand new Landcrusier from Gina Rinehart this year, our reporter has opted to omit their comment from this article.

More to come – or not if our reporter also gets a new Land Cruiser.