Cronulla Man Outraged At Having To Leave The Shire For Second Time In Two Weeks

JONTY SPEEDMAN | Culture | CONTACT

AGAIN????: A Northies regular has today conveyed his exasperation at the thought of venturing beyond his beloved Shire once more. 

It comes after the Cronulla Sharks’ victory over the North Queensland Cowboys in last week’s elimination final, which, thanks to a series of bullshit reasons provided by the NRL, was played at the Sharks’ supposed ‘home ground’ of Allianz Stadium. 

The win has now set up a semi-final against the Sydney Roosters, which, rather inconveniently for Sharkies fans, will also be played at Allianz, creating a logistical nightmare for local supporters who had already used up their yearly allocation of leaving the Shire.

The estimated hour and two minutes on a train and a tram has proved to be “too much” for diehard Cronulla fan Rob McMahon, who believes they are owed a home final due to last week’s “fiasco”. 

“I can’t believe I’ve gotta go all that way again just to see the boys have a crack.”, McMahon complained to our reporter, with a sense of pessimism that only a man who’s seen his “boys” go out year after year in straight sets can conjure.

“Then you’ve gotta deal with the hassle of delayed trains, stopping at all stations, with no seats!”

“And coming home is a complete nightmare, especially if we lose and the light rail is packed with smug pricks from Bondi,” the 54-year-old continued, with sweat visibly dripping down his forehead. 

“I won’t be walking through the front door until well after midnight, at best!”

McMahon has continued to express his concerns that a second trip away from “god’s country” has dangerous implications.