Corporate Tower Lift Now Permanently Stinks Like The Fruity Stench Of Modern Finance Bros

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The corporate elevator now smells like a fusion of grape, mango, lychee, peppermint and apple.

That's according to anyone who has visited a CBD office building recently.

It's a scent that not even the most powerful cabin ceiling diffusers can overpower, as the modern finance bro scrambles to inhale 20 milligrams of nicotine per puff, the moment the doors close.

Gone are the days where corporate skyscrapers smelt like the sour odour of Benson and Hedges Mild. The ash trays have long since been removed from the wall outside the lift.

Nowadays it's all about the highly synthetic aroma of vapes that have been made to smell like lollies.

This permanent stench can also be found in aeroplane bathrooms, Westfield changing rooms, and rental cars - as the entire nation finds themselves hooked to the array of Asian fruit flavour available through the blackmarket nicotine vapour that is manufactured by nameless factories in mainland China and sold under the counter from the ever-increasing number of dodgy 'convenience stores' that now litter the main streets of suburbia.

However it's in the cocaine-adjacent workplaces of young, predominantly male, finance and real estate mercenaries where this scent is omnipresent.

This is a surprise, considering the temporary success of Australian public health experts in their efforts to crush nicotine addiction.

For a brief moment in the early 2010s, with the rates of cigarette smokers plummeting and vapes not yet invented - these confined spaces smelt like Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male cologne.

However, with the pandemic causing enough boredom for Australians of all backgrounds to develop lifelong and extremely risky addictions to the boiling chemicals delivered into their lungs through digital devices - the lifts once again stink like poor choices.

MORE FRUITY FLAVOURS TO COME.