Chapel Street To Cut Out The Stuff In The Middle And Just Become One Very Long Tobacconist

PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT

The Mayor of Prahran is reportedly giving the people what they want. 

Speaking outside a for lease shop front, the Mayor announced his intention to turn Chapel street into one very long tobacconist. 

“We are very proud to announce today that we will be converting the bulk of Chapel Street, which is mostly just empty shopfronts into a 2km long tobacconist.”

“Our plan is to develop the Eastern side of Chapel Street.”

“So Revs will stay and access to the train stations will not be impeded,” he said to cheers from the audience. 

As new laws in Victoria allow police to close stores that are selling illicit tobacco, Chapel Street was at risk of becoming an entirely empty street.

According to the Mayor, this tobacconist will be completely legal and will not stock double happiness which he says will significantly decrease the chances of it being firebombed. 

However, the plan is reportedly facing some backlash from the active wear stores that will be subjected to forced closure. 

But the Mayor says this is the price of progress.

“For too long Chapel has been a revolving for lease door.”

“Tobaconists and bahn mi are doing all the heavy lifting on Chapel Street.”

“Our plan is supported by economists and industry experts who tell us that most shops on Chapel are about 30 days from becoming a tobacconist anyway.”

“We’re speeding up that process and giving the people what they want,” he said. 

The Mayor reportedly concluded his public announcement by reaching into his jacket pocket pulling out a legal tender pack of Winfield Blues, lighting a cig and inhaling deeply.

More to come.