VICKI DERWENT | Lifestyle | CONTACT
Local Brisbane woman, Pia Hamlin, was left completely disappointed last week when she visited her local ice rink in hopes of meeting an attractive, muscly, “written by a woman” ice hockey player.
Pia, who was in her very late twenties, had spent the week binging and watching fan edits of young adult romance, Off Campus. The series, which features a college ice hockey team and their relationships with various attractive young women, had completely taken over Pia’s algorithm, leaving her no other choice than to see what all the fuss was about.
“I guess for me it all started after Heated Rivalry, obviously. Something about those shoulder pads and the secrecy. But now with Off Campus, my body can’t actually cope anymore, I’m like Elsa, get me on the damn ice.”
“I don’t want a mullety AFL player or a guy that cries over Arsenal, get me an old fashioned ice hockey gentleman that’s going to pick me up on the ice like I weigh nothing.”
Without much research, Pia made her way to Boondall Ice World, to satisfy her ice hockey fantasies but was shocked to discover the vast difference between this rink and the romantic rink that’s been playing in her head.
“I rocked up and majority of the people there were under the age of 11” Pia told our reporter.
“I tried getting on the ice to see if maybe there was a hot dad but I was clinging onto the rail the whole time, I was focused on not dying.”
Finally later into the evening, the local ice hockey team made their way on to the ice for training. Pia was ready to casually bump into one of them and suggest fake dating to make her crush jealous but ultimately fall in love with her fucked hot fake boyfriend.
“All the guys that came out were like really pale and no offence just an average male weight and body shape” Pia disappointedly told our reporter.
“None of them noticed me non-chalantly reading my book in the bleachers, it was fucked!”
Pia hopes that the next romance series to hit a streamer is a more achievable sport for an Aussie girl to get into.
“How about a series about an Australian B grade men’s basketball team that plays every Monday?”
