ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

American sadmen Panic! At The Disco have decided to pull the pin on their 20-year long stretch with the lead singer, Brendon, telling fans that he’s having a baby and won’t have any more time to make records with his band.

The news has left fans reeling with many taking to social media to share their memories and sadness that the band has finally put their unique brand of emo rock to bed.

However, Brendon was able to give some further insight into why the band decided now was the best time to start moving in new directions.

“Kids these days have real things to feel sad about,” he said.

“Things like the economy, housing affordability, the war in Ukraine. Their elders coughing themselves to death in the corridor of some underfunded, understaffed hospital in some shit heap of a town in the midwest. Kids these days have a lot on their plate to feel upset about,”

“They’re the first generation in human history to have it worse than their parents. They can’t do anything except work, pay rent and do drugs to make them feel like they’re winning in life but when you really think about it, they’re all fucked, man,”

“So we thought now was the best time to call it quits. Young people are way more hardcore than they were 20 years ago. They’re like their grandparents. They’re a shit sandwich but they’re the bread. The boomers are the shit. Adios!”

Local Panic! fan Gilby Cole was saddened to hear that his old favourite band were done but agrees with Brendon that there’s more important things to worry about these days than your Dad being a cunt to you.

“I have a mortgage I can’t really pay anymore,” said Mr Cole.

“The bank is about to take my Amarok. Thanks for the memories Brendon but the only thing that makes me sad these days is life.”

More to come.


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