LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
After yesterday’s teasing there would be ‘a treat’ for jabbed up NSW residents, premier Gladys Berijiklian revealed five people will be allowed to congregate in an outdoor setting.
Although the state of New South Florida just recorded over 1000 new local cases, the premier has decided it’s best for her citizens to do a bit of socialising with this new rule that will come into effect on September 13.
That is unless NSW residents decide to turn down the new five in a park rule in favour of whatever is in ‘The Mystery Box.’
During her daily 11am Presser of Pain, premier Berijiklian stated her constituents need to take this harsh lockdown seriously before brandishing a repurposed shoebox decorated with question marks.
“Jabbed people will be able to socialise outdoors in groups of five from September 13 or they can take whatever is in the Mystery Box!” stated the Premier, repeating “box” a few times while moving away from the mic to create an echo effect.
“No more time for silly games. Either support our cool new rule or pick the box, I can’t stress that enough.”
When asked if the Mystery Box contained doses of cough preventer, the premier berated the reporter for interrupting her before moving on to the next question.
This pattern was repeated several times by the premier until all NSW TV sets were either switched off or had a remote sticking out of them.
At the time of writing it is speculated The Mystery Box contains a one-year free Newscorp subscription or two Video Ezy vouchers of equivalent value.