ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Betoota Heights Coles has a meat bandit and he’s become a hero to the community this week after the big two supermarkets posted record profits on the back of the cost of living crisis.
Speaking to The Advocate under the condition of anonymity, the meat bandit said he was raise a good Catholic and felt guilty about stealing meat from the supermarket. However, after Coles and Woolworths started bragging about the billions they’re fleecing from farmers and everyday Australians, they no longer do.
“Sometimes, I steal meat just to give to my neighbours,” they said.
“But most of the time, I just steal it because I want it. I don’t want to pay $40 for a few steaks. I don’t want to pay at all. I know it costs the supermarkets fuck all because they rip off all the local beef and lamb producers around here,”
“So fuck them. When I go shopping, I wear a raincoat and just put meat in the pockets. I just keep going under they’re bulging. The staff there too don’t really care. None of them get paid for skipping their breaks. They get paid for their allotted hours. No over time, no nothing. They reckon they do overtime every time they work. The butchers just got made redundant. They couldn’t give a fuck. They think it’s funny,”
“I almost got caught once but a nice member of the community tripped the check out boy over in the car park and I got away. He was shouting, ‘Thief! Stop that cunt!’ and they helped me get away. How’s that?”
The Advocate spoke to the store manager of the Betoota Heights Coles but they just parroted some talking points from head office that aren’t really fit to print.
More to come.
