Bloke Playing His Third Ever Round Of Golf With His Uncle Jerry's Clubs From The 70s Concludes Once Again That Golf Fucking Sucks

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The sound of an ancient nine iron being tomahawked into a gidgee tree broke the still silence this morning down at the Betoota Heights Parklands Golf Course as a local man made his mind up about the sport.

"It fucking sucks," said Blair Anderson, a facilities manager at the Betoota Shire Council.

"Fuck golf."

The 37-year-old was out playing with his cousin this morning who very much enjoys the game and has been trying to get Blair to join him for some time.

He's had his uncle Jerry's clubs in the garage since Jerry went mad in 2011 and the police had to shoot him. A coronial inquest into the matter found the police killing was lawful and the use of force was justified.

Nevertheless, Jerry was a fine golfer and used 'blade'-style irons and wooden woods. He also had various other problems that ultimately culminated in him choosing to use his car as a battering ram down at the council offices on that fateful November evening.

As Blair has only ever swung a golf club a small number of times, using bladed irons would be difficult as they require a higher level of skill that 99 percent of amateur golfers will ever possess.

"Golf is that fucken hard, my cousin must be a fucken nerd, because he's fucken good," he said.

"And I understand the time commitment it takes to get good at golf. We were playing with this bloke, a mate of his, and he was banging on about how he's playing off nothing and everything and the whole time I'm thinking like cunt you have two small kids, two under two and one on the way he told me, and he's that good at golf, like to me, that just means you're a greedy cunt, because you flat out can't be spending that much time fucken around on a golf course when you should be at home with the kids, making your fucken pregnant wife's life a whole lot easier, it's just fucken greedy mate, like I just wanted to wrap my putter around his head, the cunt."

"But yeah look it's just not for me, and I'm not about to go invest in some fucken grandpa shovels because I just don't have the time for this shit."

More to come.