Word Of The Week: Apricity (The Beautiful Warmth Of The Winter Sun)
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With Naplan scores dropping and literacy seemingly slipping away in an age of autocorrect, The Betoota
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Health System Braces For Devastating Spike As Virus Spreads Through Millions Of Homes Overnight
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation is today preparing for the worst, as the Coronavirus curve looks set to spike
Woman Suddenly Filled With An Inexplicable Urge To Visit Bustling Ice Cream Shop
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Between eating her weight in food and silently cursing every smug dickhead broadcasting their at-home
Slowly Balding Man Figures Quarantine Is As Good A Time As Any To Rip Off The Bandaid
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT On top of the world slowly succumbing to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, local man
Jesus Christ Fined $1000 After Police Deem Resurrection A Non-Essential Outing
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some sad news from Jerusalem this morning, Christan pin-up boy Jesus Christ has copped
Local 30-Year-Old Abandons Hope Of Learning How To TikTok
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The world-wide lockdown has spat out some pretty interesting and creative ways people are staying
Woman Asks For Recommendations On The Best Book To Leave Half Read On Bedside Table
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Isolation started with high hopes and dreams of self-development and productivity, but as one Betoota
Elaborate Getaway Plan Foiled By Cancellation Of Parade
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Coronavirus claimed more victims yesterday with the arrest of a gang of three following a daring
Boss Sadly Replaces Meeting That Should Have Been An E-mail With Videoconference
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In a sign of the times, a despondent Anthony Crossley, Sales Manager at Betoota Engineering and
Man Adds “Essential Worker” To Tinder Bio
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In a nod to the 2020 equivalent of landed gentry, forklift operator Damien Cummins has updated
Australia Keen For This Coronavirus Bullshit To Be Over So We Can Move Onto The Next Crisis
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT After enduring the consecutive crises of Drought, Fire, Flood, Toilet Paper Shortage and COVID-19 Social
True Fighting Spirit: Aussies In Lockdown Sing Untouched By The Veronicas From Their Patios
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT As public morale reaches an all time low, people all over the world have embraced the
Nonno Quite Set On Theory That This Virus Bullshit Is The Banks Play To Finally Kill Off Cash
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some potentially groundbreaking news out of Betoota’s Flight Path District this moring, a local