Athletic-Looking Man Fears The Day His Mates Find Out He’s Terrible At Sport

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Putting a racquet behind a tennis ball or moving some Kashmir willow to a point where it’s going to intersect with a fast-moving ball – doesn’t come easy for most.

Many people in the Betoota community look like they couldn’t run out of sight on a dark night, let alone catch a hard, flat cut shot out at backward point.

One of those people is Marc de Crespigny, a local small businessman who despite looking like he’s a quick runner, high jumper and fast bowler, he can’t.

The 28-year-old told all this to our reporter this morning in the French Quarter.

“When something pops up on the group chat about shooting hoops or heading down to the nets, I have to ignore it. Even tennis. I just don’t have the hand-eye coordination,”

“I don’t think my mates know how bad it is. We had a game of park cricket for Lewey’s 30th last year and I spent the whole stay standing at backstop hoping nobody would ask me to bat or bowl,”

“I live in fear that one day, they’ll find out. Just look at me, I look like a private school version of Nathan Bracken! I should be carving it up. But I’m not.”

When asked by our reporter if he thought he should start practicing, that even giant-hearted country boys like Glenn McGrath and Josh Hazelwood have bowled thousands of wides over a lifetime, Marc still said he was content to just sit in the shade.

More to come.