EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

Proving that we are edging closer and closer to living in a dystopian society, a Melbourne landlord has advertised accommodation that is essentially multiple human holding cells.

Despite approximately a million empty houses across the country, many people are still having trouble finding accommodation, with some rooms seeing up to hundred applicants for what is essentially a shitbox.

This type of market means that landlords now find themselves with even more power, as they essentially have their pick of the litter and can raise the price to whatever a desperate person is willing to pay. 

Drawing inspiration from another landlord who created space shuttle style sleeping pods that cost the same as a room, local man Felix Mathers has purchased an abandoned Pets Paradise store, as it doesn’t require much refurbishing for accommodation – in fact, the rooms are already there.

Showing The Advocate a series of glass perspex boxes filled with shredded paper, a giant water feed and a gym (a communal mouse wheel), Felix says he was surprised nobody else had snapped these ‘goldmines’ up already.

“It’s got everything a person needs”, explains Felix, “for $250 a week, you have your own room, which includes daily water refills and cleaning.”

Noticing there are no toilet facilities, our reporter asks where people shit.

“Oh yeah, just on the paper haha.”

“You’ll be surprised how many people had to be told to do it in the corner.”

“Fucking idiots.”

More to come.

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