Pokémon’s 30th Anniversary Is A Painful Reminder That They Fucked It By Going Beyond The Original 151

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

It's a tick over 30 years since the world first said hello to Pikachu, the electric catdog, and his friend Ash Ketchum, prompting many who remember that period of their lives to recall it fondly before it all went to shit in 2001.

It's also a bittersweet recollection for one local man, who said he speaks for all latent Pokémon fans in their mid-to-late 30s when he says that the creators of the show back in Japan got greedy and fucked the whole thing by going beyond the original 151 Pokémon.

"They were ugly and strange," said Sam Cutler, a 38-year-old middle manager at Betoota Heights IKEA.

"Whereas, the ones from the original Red, Blue and Gold Game Boy games, they will always be familiar. The settings as well. Leaving Pallet Town, on the road to Viridian City. Or whatever it was called. Going on the boat, going through the tunnel. Fuck, it was good. I spent hours playing Pokémon. I'd wake up and watch the show at 7am on Cheez TV. I'd ignore my dad's extremely crude and unsavoury remarks about why Ash wears fingerless gloves. I'm not going to repeat them."

"Then they just went and fucked it. The same as Microsoft Encarta 97. They fucked Encarta as well. Wikipedia is great, but it's no Encarta, that's for sure. Do you know how many times I listened to those 30-second music snippets? The calypso drums were my favourite."

Our reporter revealed they were also a favourite, and that the song is Dollar Wine by the Ebony Steel Band.

"Ah, interview over," he added.

More to come.